Where is the hickey?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
