I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
