My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
