as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize