I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
