Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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