His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
