dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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