good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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