i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize