need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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