Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
