my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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