yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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