Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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