just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize