dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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