God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
