the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
