All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
