I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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