the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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