i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
