he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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