I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
