i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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