i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
