It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
