we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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