dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
