definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
