I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
