I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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