I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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