i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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