You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
