which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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