I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
