My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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