I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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