girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
