Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
