Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize