You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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