Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
