Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We had sex on a dog bed..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize