dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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