My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
