hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
