did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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