Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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