Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize