This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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