I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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