Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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