what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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