I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
