My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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