Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
