just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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