i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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