were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
