U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
