I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
