what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
