Where are you?
In a non slutty way
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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