shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
