Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
