this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
